Pennsylvania Takes A Snow Day

There comes a time, in the wintry climate of Pennsylvania, where the state utters a collective gasp and says "Oh man. We are fucked."

Head Starts are closed.
School districts are closed.
Every college within a 2 hour radius has closed at some point. 11 am, 5 pm, whatever. Closed.
Government offices are closing.
Downtown offices are closed.
The mall is closing within the hour.
THE MALL IS CLOSING.
Who cares about the rest. When the massive focal point for consumer greed in a region is saying it is too bad out, don't come in to give us your money, you know the area is about to be thrust into the lower depths of hell. Mind you, I work at the mall, at The Italian Joint. While I do not work today, I work tomorrow. And I would appreciate either a call tonight saying "don't come in", or at least the opportunity to make money tomorrow in some form. What will likely happen is I will go to work, open the joint, and be sent home less than an hour after we open. It's happened before, I swear. I will walk home with less then ten dollars' tips in my pocket. I won't let it bother me though, because tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I have a nice gesture to offer to my coworkers, who absolutely rule.

So what did I do today?
I made cupcakes.
May my coworkers find them moist, delicious, and charming.

it's the little things...

Have you ever seen a popular "mexican" chain's condiment packets? They have amusing little phrases on them that can be quite amusing.

Hot Sauce Packet: Thanks for rescuing me! Fire Sauce was getting on my nerves.
Fire Sauce Packet: The feeling is mutual.


Brilliant!

Yay Sis!

The DameSis is officially the first commenter on this blog. To celebrate, I am posting her new blog in the link section. Buena Festa!

JANGA JANGA
Hi, Welcome to the IJ. My name is

JANGA JANGA JANGA JANGA

TheDame, Can I start you off with

JANGA JANGA JANGA JANGA JANGA.


Okay. It is time to rant. I've had it. I like the bellringer money collection people. Well, some of them. Okay, I fucking hate them all. However, I respect their purpose, I respect that they're getting 8.50 an hour to shakedown other people. But please, I implore, I plead, I beg. DO NOT RING THE FUCKING BELL INSIDE THE MALL.

The IJ Managers have told them. The mall security has told them. Shit, I think I saw Santa whispering to them. They are only allowed to ring the bell in the breezeways. (Mall lingo- means the little area between the two entrance doors, usually where soda machines and other forms of vending exist). That's how they get to circumvent the "no mall soliciation" rules. The mall says "okay, we respect your purpose. but that bell pisses us off, so don't do it in the mall. It's win-win"... But They don't get it. And I know a good deal of attendants are repeat offenders.

There's one who expects our restaurant to give them free coffee. We can't, obviously. If we did, the entire fricking Salvation Army would be banging down our door. When the hostess asks for her to pay while the server is fetching said coffee, She always says "oh I left my money with the bucket, I'll be right back", Never to return, unless, of course, she does it around customers who'll pick up the tab for them. Otherwise, she won't cross the threshold until the next shift comes on to try it again. But when a customer covers it, it all works out in the end. We don't feed an Army, the customer feels good, and the Salv Lady gets some free coffee.

However, nearly every damned S.A. person cannot resist ringing the bell inside the mall. It's annoying. It's distracting. Our restaurant is blocked off from the main mall area by a railing, not some fancy scmancy wall. So when they ring the bell, all we hear is that damned ringing. We can't hear the customers asking for more coffee, asking if the pasta comes with the bottomless salad, or what the soup of the day is today. We look like idiots trying to hear them over the bell ringing. They can't hear us either though, so much confusion occurs. It's hard enough with the christmas music from the mall clashing with the christmas music inside the restaurant, on top of the general mall ambient noise. The Bell Does Not Help.

Part of me was amused by the lady who got yelled at by a guard but then ever-so-subtly continued her bell-ringin' ways. It also annoyed the hell out of me. She obviously felt that since her cause was Good and Just, she had the right to ignore the Mall Laws. Listen, if I have to park a freakin half-mile away with -10 degree windchill because I'm an employee, then by all that is holy, you shall not ring that bell inside the mall.

And I hate when they give you that look and wish you a Happy Holiday. Y'know, the "I know That I Am Totally Guilt Tripping You. Deal With It and Give Me Some Money" Look. When tips are good, I donate. I truly like helping others. But just because I don't give to every single attendant, I get a"Happy Holiday" with the look thing nearly everytime I walk by.

Maybe they should make up stickers that say "I Donated Already!", and you could buy them for ten dollars. It would totally be worth it.

a slice of what?

After quitting the gas station, awhile back, I have now found employment at The Italian Joint. The IJ is great. The people are funny, laid back, and helpful. Short-dark-haired-cook did that thing where you put a glove over your face and blow it up. I still don't know his name, but having worked for nearly two weeks, I'm now embarrased to admit it and just ask him. What's even cooler is that they are all pretty tolerant of my 'omg i'm new and have no idea whats going on' moments. At the IJ, I'm serving, which is new to me. I've worked 'over counter' establishments, which is a nice businesslike way of saying 'would you like fries with that?". I've served on my own for three days, and I am doing fairly well, making at least 15% tips thus far. Not shabby, I think. I'm asking Waiter his opinion on the subject.

Here's a gem of a customer interaction.

Dame: "what can i get you to drink?"
Guy: "Bud lite, Senorita" he says charmingly.
Dame: "Senorita is Spanish, I think. Signora is Italian. The only other thing I can say in Italian is Vada Via, get lost. "

The subtlety was lost on him.

Equally amusing is that my name is the name of a very famous song, which has been so oversung to me that I am coming close to running out of witty retorts. Today's quip went well, or as well as it could.

"What, just the chorus? Can't you guys at least sing the verses?"

Stopped them dead. For about 8 seconds.

code adam?

*scene* The craftstore, register 2

Enter The Mom, two daughters in tow, to register 2. Young, maybe nine and six. Idle chatter passes between mom, daughters, and Moi whilst scanning and bagging items. The total is given, the card swiped. Pen and slip to be signed (as all credit charges must be) are at the ready, about to be handed to The Mom.

TheDame: If you'll just sign this for me, we'll be all set.
The Mom: Wait, where's Lucas?
The Dame is puzzled, no boy-child is with her.
*mother begins to search for Lucas, two girls begin to wander*
TheDame: no-no, stay here until your mom gets back *thinking 'oh fuck me'*
The Dame, to TheCoolSupervisor: Cool, can you help us out?
TheCool: Shit, I've never had this happen before....
*mom wanders back through, Cool heads to the entranceway to prevent anyone from leaving*
The Dame- ma'am, what does he look like?
TheMom *walking briskly past* He's Three!
TheDame- *pondering how the fuck that can help* what's he wearing?
TheEldestDaughter- he's got blonde hair *Mom continues her search, off stage*
*minutes pass*
TheCool *near entryway*- Got him! C'mere sweety, your mom's looking for you
*Lucas totters to theCool, who brings him over. Lucas sucks on his binkie*
TheDame, to Eldest- sweety, what's your mom's name?
TheEldestGirl- Lizzy
TheDame, over paging system- Lizzy to register three please, lizzy to register three
*pause*
TheDame- what's your last name?
Eldest-*while swinging from the cart, sucking on it* Arcane-hard-to-pronounce-slovak-name
TheDame- Mrs ArcaneHardToPronounceSlovakName, please come to the front. *repeats*
*wait*
TheMom-*re-enters the scene* oh thank god you found him! *signs paper*
TheMom, to Lucas- you were very bad to wander off! Do you know how upset I was?!!!
*Exuent, the family*
*The Dame, The Cool look at eachother, and shrug before returning to work*
*fin*

Mr. PillowPants

Wow. Just, wow. I saw Clerks II and Smith has really outdone himself. The movie is offensive, random, and downright silly. I'm gonna be quoting this one for years. Though I'll try to be respectful and not quote it too often whilst still in theatres. After that, it is fair game.

Anyways, my world has been 'hella' busy lately. Went to Vegas 3 weeks ago, perhaps the best time of my life. Went to Chincoteague last week. Fun, but a little grating. I don't mind my mom, she's a bit batty. My sister and brother hate her though, and they kept making shithead comments when she wasn't in hearing range, but I was. God that pisses me off. They come on vacation with us, where the parents pick up the tab for everything, and aren't even gracious enough to even try to get along. Not fair, not cool, and annoying as hell. Everyone's parents get on a kid's nerves, deal with it and be thankful that they still pretend to like you after all these years.

I think I am going to turn this in to a crafting blog soon. I've been making some neat stuff lately and I want to share them with the world. Maybe discuss techniques and different approaches. I'm all about the crafting, and always on the lookout for neat shit to make.

Speaking of crafting, as I work in a craft store and thus am making this thin attempt at a segue (not segway, never segway) I am going to chat about work. The A&CStore I work at has moved me back to the framing section. God, its fun. I get to make stuff, I get to play with neumatic tools while doing so, and I hardly have to deal with customers. Yay!
However, I have also been hired full-time at TheConvenienceStore. That's right, I'm a CLERK. It pays better, has more hours, and the sweet 'free sodas and coffee while working, and you get to smoke in the break area' thing almost makes it worth it. So I will be working part time at A&CStore, full-time at TheConvenienceStore, and in about a month I will be going full-time to the CommunityCollege. It seems highly unlikely that I will be able to do all three, but I am going to try. Am I nuts? Probably. But since the C-Store won't give me health insurance until I've worked there for three months, its just what I must do. Am I greedy and in need of health insurance? Hell Yes. If I have to drop the Craft job, then so be it. Maybe I'll tell them I thought I was only hired for seasonal or some bullshit. We'll see. Its tough though. One job I like what I do but get shafted on hours and pay, the other I won't mind what I do and the pay/perks rock, and the third, though i'm interested in food service mgmnt, is mostly for the insurance. Why can't these three things meet together in one glorious job?

Perhaps one that involves getting massages from Brad Pitt?